I’ll start by addressing what most are probably already thinking… The Bible says not to be unequally yoked. Which means, as a Christian I shouldn’t be yoked with an unbeliever. In other words, I shouldn’t date or marry someone who doesn’t believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. And to be completely honest, my heart’s desire really IS to marry a man who I can love and worship God with. Even when I wasn’t living the lifestyle of a Christian, I honestly felt like I would eventually marry a minister of some sort. I didn’t necessarily want to, but its an assurance that’s rested inside of me since high school and was prophetically spoken recently by a stranger. So why am I writing an article like this? Some would assume I’m just another single, angry, bitter black woman. Which leads me to a key word which motivated me to touch on this: Assumptions.
First, let me briefly tell you a little about me, my walk with Christ and church experiences. I was raised in the church. My family and I initially went to a holiness church. We couldn’t wear jewelry, makeup, the color red and our skirts had to go past our knees… Long story short, my daddy pulled us out of that church… After that, a lot of false things were said about my family and others were told horrible things would happen to their loved ones if they stayed in contact with us. Moving on, we went from a small traditional church to a pentecostal megachurch where the pastor was later exposed for sexual misconduct. From there, (as a preteen) we shifted to another church located in a storefront. Not long after leaving that church, the pastor and his wife divorced and he became a Jehovah’s Witness.
Now, I’m a teenager. I’m done with church and church folks. My parents were separating, and I didn’t see the point in going to church when everyone seemed miserable that went faithfully. Not to mention a “holy roller” who was always around and treated me like a heathen had been cheating on his wife and molesting someone very close to me for several years… He was the only person I’ve ever hated. I asked God to help me forgive him… He did.
After that, I don’t remember many more church experiences until my college days. Smoking weed, drinking my granddad’s liquor and other unhealthy things were a part of my high school experience— along with playing sports and acting toward my senior year. Through all of this I will say— my faith in God remained. Which sparked me to join the campus choir my freshman year… And then it happened— for the very first time I heard the voice of God clear as day while I was in a club. Yes, a night club. He said, “What are you doing here?”
For the sake of not turning this into a book, I’ll skip to when I rededicated my life to Christ in 2003. I was the “good sober girl” to my friends. And even though I had even more bad experiences at churches near the campus (one woman approached the pastor and attacked him while preaching, I’d leave church every Sunday with a massive headache that wasn’t there before going, etc) my desire to please God was increasing. But, it unfortunately took a painful situation (which sparked the poem “Cleanse Me, God”) to give my heart completely to Christ. Drenched in tears, I chose to trust Him in all areas of my life. My prayer was, “God, I feel like I know who I want. But I know you know who I need. You know who I’ll be in the future and who my mate will be. You know what’s best. Have your way in my life completely. Relationships and all…”
I truly desire a “Church Boy.” But, here is a video of things I’ve been told and experiences I've had with Christian men over the years.
As a Christian woman, I so desire to marry a man after God’s heart. Not JUST a Christian man. I desire to marry THE MAN God has chosen for me. One who loves Him more than me, respects and encourages my relationship with Him and cherishes me completely—accepting my past and present. One who I can grow with, create with, start a family with and serve God with. And I sincerely believe we all need to examine ourselves and make sure we are whole and complete in Christ before bringing someone else into our lives. But, to all my brothers and sisters in Christ, let’s be sensitive to how we treat each other, use wisdom in our approach when in disagreement or voicing our opinions, try our best not to assume the worst about someone and really practice speaking LIFE into people… Know that the assumptions we stamp on each other or the things we say can sometimes be detrimental to someone’s spiritual walk. I thank God for my early negative experiences with “church folk” because it taught me not to trust in man but to put my trust solely in Christ. I am who God says I am and I don't need anyone or anything to validate that.
If you’ve been hurt by someone in the church, I pray that today is the death date of every negative thing spoken against the amazing person you are in Christ. Any words spoken or actions that made you feel as if you were “less than” or not good enough… I speak death over those things and LIFE over you. I pray that any negative thought you may have toward yourself is counteracted by the Word of God and what He thinks of you. You are a child of The Most High God! Jesus Christ calls you friend. He loves you and there’s nothing you can do that will ever separate you from His love. He has not forgotten about you. Continue to delight yourself in Him.
Women, don’t give up on our Christian brothers. Men, don’t give up on our sisters. We’re one body, serving the same God, all trying to make it to the same place. Let’s love and encourage each other through this journey.