Funny how things pan out… The day of my last performance of “Complicated Melody” was on June 2nd … and June 2nd was also supposed to be my wedding date.
The morning of the show was super rough. I didn’t think I’d be that distraught. I couldn’t stop crying. From the time I woke up to the time I pulled in the parking lot of the theatre I was a complete mess. However, I knew I had to get it together. So before I stepped out of the car, I gathered every negative thought and every fond memory and spoke these words, “Everything you’re feeling now… Transfer those emotions to your character.”
When I stepped out the car, I became Tori. Yeah, I went in and out as Tiffani-MiShelle from time to time until the show started, but I couldn’t fully become her. Tori was a lot stronger than Tiffani-MiShelle at that moment. Tori knew exactly what she wanted and where she was going. Tori… hadn’t been bruised by love… yet.
As I sit here reflecting on the hurt I felt that day, I can say I have healed some and I am definitely ready to just get over it. I thought I would be completely over him… But, I guess I tried to skip over all the necessary steps to “grieving.” I found myself doing things to make me forget. I took being someone other than Tiffani-MiShelle to a different level. So, now I’m trying to embrace this change by remembering… but not reflecting on the good times… and bad. I’m trying to focus on positioning myself to become a better woman in my career and my personal life.
I’ve been in situations previously where I’ve relied on God to heal me, so I know His healing power is better than any drink or temporary fix. I was reminded of this remedy by my bishop who had been speaking on a series entitled “CPR: Creating Personal Revival.” In one particular message he said, “Praise your way out of a dark place.” I am still in a somewhat gloomy place, but I am sooo ready for some SONshine!
So, I thank You, God, for not being bitter! I thank You, God, for all the amazing times my ex and I had. I thank You for who he is and for molding him into who You’ve designed him to become. I thank You for what You’ve done and what I trust You’ll do. I thank You for direction and peace. I thank You for stability in all areas of my life. I thank You for Your mercy and grace… I thank You for Your protection. I thank You, Father, for Your unconditional love! I thank You in advance for teaching me to love like You… You are worthy to be praised and I thank you! In Jesus’ Name… I'm coming out...