COMING OUT (The Healing Process)

June 4, 2012

Funny how things pan out… The day of my last performance of “Complicated Melody” was on June 2nd … and June 2nd was also supposed to be my wedding date. 


The morning of the show was super rough.  I didn’t think I’d be that distraught.  I couldn’t stop crying.  From the time I woke up to the time I pulled in the parking lot of the theatre I was a complete mess.  However, I knew I had to get it together.  So before I stepped out of the car, I gathered every negative thought and every fond memory and spoke these words, “Everything you’re feeling now… Transfer those emotions to your character.” 


When I stepped out the car, I became Tori.  Yeah, I went in and out as Tiffani-MiShelle from time to time until the show started, but I couldn’t fully become her.  Tori was a lot stronger than Tiffani-MiShelle at that moment.  Tori knew exactly what she wanted and where she was going.  Tori… hadn’t been bruised by love… yet. 


As I sit here reflecting on the hurt I felt that day, I can say I have healed some and I am definitely ready to just get over it.  I thought I would be completely over him… But, I guess I tried to skip over all the necessary steps to “grieving.”  I found myself doing things to make me forget.  I took being someone other than Tiffani-MiShelle to a different level.  So, now I’m trying to embrace this change by remembering… but not reflecting on the good times… and bad.  I’m trying to focus on positioning myself to become a better woman in my career and my personal life.  


I’ve been in situations previously where I’ve relied on God to heal me, so I know His healing power is better than any drink or temporary fix.  I was reminded of this remedy by my bishop who had been speaking on a series entitled “CPR: Creating Personal Revival.”  In one particular message he said, “Praise your way out of a dark place.”  I am still in a somewhat gloomy place, but I am sooo ready for some SONshine!


So, I thank You, God, for not being bitter!  I thank You, God, for all the amazing times my ex and I had.  I thank You for who he is and for molding him into who You’ve designed him to become.  I thank You for what You’ve done and what I trust You’ll do.  I thank You for direction and peace.  I thank You for stability in all areas of my life.  I thank You for Your mercy and grace… I thank You for Your protection.  I thank You, Father, for Your unconditional love!  I thank You in advance for teaching me to love like You… You are worthy to be praised and I thank you!  In Jesus’ Name…  I'm coming out...


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