I’m not sure when it happened, what triggered the identity crisis, but it seems as though I’ve suddenly had this yearning desire to find out who I really am. Of course, the realization that I don’t know much about the woman I’ve grown to become had to come first. So for me, 2012 is the year of discovering self.
Now, I will say, I’m not completely clueless of who I am. I know I am a child of The Most High. I know God lives in me and through me. So when I say I don’t know who I am, I’m speaking primarily of specific things. You know, the basic questions people ask when you first meet. The questions that every social network site asks... like, "What type of music do you listen to?" Crazy thing is, it wasn’t until last year that I realized how difficult it was for me to even answer a question like that. I've been claiming to love "Gospel, 70's, 80's, 90's Pop and R&B" for so long that I naturally responded with those genres. Now don't get me wrong, I still like those styles, but my taste is slightly shifting. I guess I've finally found some current music that I really enjoy. So, for the record… I can listen to the Bruno Mars Station on Pandora for countless hours and I've grown to be really fond of Contemporary Worship. I am also so extremely attracted to the electric and acoustic guitar and if I could, I would have an affair with it...
Speaking of affair, I've fallen in love with my weeknight lover. After working behind the scenes in the entertainment industry (off and on) for nearly six years, I’ve made the decision to pursue acting again. You may know from my previous blogs that I’ve been taking different acting classes (during my off time) at The Alliance Theatre for about a year. Well, toward the end of last year I had an epiphany… I didn’t want to continue starting and stopping my classes so, I asked myself if I never pursued acting (a never-dwindling passion) would I regret it. I didn’t even have to think about the answer. It was simple… Yes, I would totally regret it. Sooo… I made the decision to give up the 12-14 hour production days to continue honing my craft. I’m currently taking classes at The Green Room and I am loving it! Just got my headshots done this past Sunday and I’m searching for an amazing monologue… along with a “normal job” lol… So, far as career, I can’t imagine wanting to do anything else full time, with the exception of writing, directing and maybe a little modeling on the side.
Another part of my self-discovery was realizing that I am not your typical poet. I mean, I still love poetry don’t get me wrong… but, I'm getting a little tired of the typical spoken word artist’s performance consisting of the same rhythm and flow that the other million spoken word artists have… I, I like to move, groove, dance and create good music with a poetic twist. Now, I will admit in this poetic epiphany, I feel like I don’t really receive the love of a lot of other poets or poetry lovers. But, I’m okay with that. I do it simply because… It. Makes. ME. Feel. Good. And that’s really why I decided to put my book out also, and why I plan on releasing an album later this year. I mean, I would like to have the support and love, but I’ve learned to rest in the love of the art in itself…It's really the creativity of "doing me" that drives me, not the "performances" or "sales."
Anyway, Lord willing, I’ll be able to share more with you as I journey in discovering me in 2012. In the meantime… Don’t forget to get your copy of “52 Hues of Poetic Love” as a special Valentine’s Day gift! ;)